Fulham: - (don't know the date let me have / an ideal one - April 1st. - My dear Oldie / I think I must have / written a foolish letter - & if I / was disappointed ought to have / behaved better - things go so ill / with me this year, & the outside / world does tremble and crumble / about me in the savagest way. / and you must forgive any / passing petulance - you will I know - / - in every way I am about as / lonely a wretch as you are like / to meet - II haven't told you why / & need not tease you ever again / & I do fly out of myself to some / enchantment - & it may be a / witches caldron for anything / I know - you are more likely to / be right than I am - / I haven't any real faith - it is quite true - not any - though / I feel ready for it, - I can't live / without it but have none - you are / right / am very conscious of it & really / unhappy about it - I want to / make men women & earth look / lovely and loveable in a framed / space of canvas - when I begin I / am full of hope and when I have / finished full of vexation - but / as far as I can I do my very best / - the age doesn't help me much / you see - I am sure you feel that - / you know the word's faith has gone / or is going, it will not bear / criticism - nor will my poor pictures / they vanish somehow - / don't be surprised that I take / you seriously & that you can so / discourage me - it means how / much I should like your / sympathy / there are three or four men / only in my time whose praise I / should like to have - yours and Morris's / & Rossetti's - the last cares so little / for what I do - though it is so much / his own work - that ii is five years / since he saw anything of mine - and / Morris I know what he really thinks / and you think me on the wrong road - will you lend me the / Everard to comfort me & believe me Ever your loving Ned.
